Speaker A: Welcome to the Therapist burnout podcast, episode 47. Hello, therapist. I hope this finds you well. It has been a crazy month. For the last couple weeks I’ve been posting about election anxiety and how you deal with that. So I think for me, the big contrast to not being a therapist now is that I have my own personal reactions. I have the reactions of my husband and my family members. But otherwise I think it has been pretty low stress for me, honestly. And that’s the first time in a very long time. And so I’m still holding space for you guys, you know, still feel like you can send me a message, let me know how those episodes landed with you and check back. So that’s episode 46 and 45. Today I’m talking with you about surviving and thriving during the holidays as a therapist. So it’s the holiday survival Guide and I am doing these every year. So I’ve been podcasting on Therapist Burnout for a year now. As of October 2nd, I think I’m going to do a whole episode on what it’s like, you know, what, what my insights after talking with Therapist for a year on Burnout and kind of an update on my burnout story, my journey. So I think that’ll be a nice end of the year episode to kind of recap the year, recap what I’ve been learning because I feel like my ideas have really changed. You know what I thought Burnout was, what I thought all of this looked like for therapists, I think have evolved based on my conversations with you guys and research. So I’ve done a lot of research on episodes and things like that. So I’m excited to bring that to you as well. I live in like Christmas mecca here in the state of Maine. So if you celebrate Christmas, I’m talking today about the holidays. So I’m just going to share a little bit. It’s just really beautiful here, especially when it snows at Christmas and during the holiday season. You know, at close to me is L.L. bean, if you know L.L. bean, that is in my hometown. And they have a fireworks show at 6 o’clock, which is fantastic because if you’re like a middle aged person, you can go watch fireworks and then go to bed and then that’s your celebration for the new year. So it’s, it’s really nice. I love it. But also my partner is a Christmas elf. They are super obsessed with the holidays and he purchases all the gifts for our family. I’m the wrapper though. I wrap all the gifts because it’s just it’s comical when he tries to wrap gifts. So that’s my role during the holidays. And I want to say that I am like a joyful person during the holidays and I get into it and I like the holidays, but it’s just a lot to do as a mom. So I think I used to love the holidays more so when there wasn’t this extra layer of being the one that puts on the holidays, being the one that cooks the meals, the one that, that provides the Christmas. So that to me just feels like a lot of stress a lot of times. And especially working as a therapist, I still work in the field, so I just do evaluations. Not just, I do evaluations, contract. And I work with therapists and consult with them. So that’s the other thing that I do through here. And I’m actually really, really busy right now. So I’m feeling stressed, but it’s not like I’m holding space stress like I used to with my clients. I am holding space for a therapist, but it just feels different and has a different feel and, and so it’s not the same for me. I would like to say I have it all figured out, but I don’t by any stretch of the imagination. So last Christmas, my partner, my lovely partner put together a menu which he will do, you know, for Christmas eve Eve. The 23rd. For Christmas Eve, for Christmas Day. So we did a barbecue SM smoke on the 23rd on Christmas Eve. It was like, I don’t even know what we ate. Oh, a standing rib roast and like all the fixings. Yeah. And then, oh, Christmas Day was going to be Cornish hens. And then, you know, producing all the Christmas, like getting all the gifts under the tree and doing all the things, going to all the little holiday events. Yeah. And by Christmas Day evening, I was just like, I, I don’t have anything. I don’t even want Christmas dinner. Like, we have leftovers in the fridge. I can’t, like, I just want to sit here in my pajamas and do absolutely nothing and stare at the wall. And so that wasn’t a great look, I think, for me. And so this year I’ve been really intentional about expressing what I need. I need not to cook three meals like that, like a hot three holiday meals in a row again, if you want me to be joyful Jen, because you’re not going to get Joyful Jen if she’s cooking three holiday meals in a row. It’s just. No, it’s not going to happen. And I think about, you know, all of our Best laid plans, it sounds like. Oh, yeah, I want to, you know, make this wonderful holiday dessert I want to do. But my capacity to do that is just what it is. And I think going into the holidays, I remember last year, I think it was a heavy evaluation season for me. In December. I’m all. I also have a lot coming up in the next few weeks. So my workload is really high at work. So pacing myself, I have not been the best at learning to pace my pace myself. I. That’s because I burn out of everything. So I am going to try my best to sit down with my partner and talk about realistic expectations. And we were doing a little bit of that yesterday. And so that’s part of it. So let’s get into it. I just, you know, shared a whole bunch, so I have a few points to talk about. I talked with folks on LinkedIn. So if you’re not on LinkedIn, find me. I’m Dr. Jen Blanch at two T’s and a E on the LinkedIn. Yeah, so let’s jump into it. So I think some of the things that people were saying and some of my own reflections from being a therapist is there are first, increased client needs and emotional labor. So clients may feel more emotionally dysregulated due to their families being with their families or that anticipation of the holidays of, you know, Uncle Leroy, you know, going to say some mess at the holiday. And, you know, it’s always the same every year. Right. So we know that. We’ve talked to. I’ve had clients where I talked to them years about Uncle Leroy and what they’re going to do or their mother or how they’re going to react to different things. And so I think part of it is helping your clients come up with a game plan for how to deal with that and also protecting your own emotional energy. So you also have these family members. You also have stressful events that are coming up. But for your clients, I think to protect your own emotional energy, creating some boundaries around your availability. So that is tough because I think as therapists, we want to respond if our client’s struggling. We want to be there for them. We want to be available. However, I think communicating what your availability is during December, which might be a little bit reduced, just communicating that this is my, hey, my schedule is really tight coming into December, so I just really want to make sure that you can make these meetings because I know that this is going to be stressful for you. So from the outset, you know, before we get to this rushed time really talk to them about the import importance of keeping their scheduled session because things are going to come up now, they’re stressed out, they have things to do and they might think, oh, I just need to cancel that appointment and then they’re calling you and we’re in a situation where now we’re trying to reschedule with clients. And that’s which goes into my next point. So number two, there are a lot of cancellations because people are super busy and that creates, I think a lot of people said on LinkedIn that that creates gaps in income and fatigue from rescheduling sessions. It takes a lot of time to look at your schedule to figure out where can I put this client back in. So I think people don’t realize how much we are bending to try to accommodate and what that does for us, that what that does to our mental health to have to constantly reschedule people or try to figure things out in our schedule all the time. So you might consider creating a cancellation policy specifically for the holidays for December so that you require maybe a week’s notice of time to reschedule because your times are so tight. And so I think talking with clients about that so that you know and they know when you can meet this is so important, especially when times are super tight. And I think there’s a lot of year end things that can come up in your, in your business. If. So my first years in private practice I did not do this. So I would just be kind of like money in and money out. And I really didn’t have a game plan for how I was going to look at my income on the year as a whole. So if last year I made, let’s say a hundred thousand dollars to just keep it kind of a round number, I took home 75k. I am going to try to take out of my bank account at regular intervals, however much money that equals to. So if we’re talking about $75,000, that means every two weeks we are taking roughly $3,000. You can kind of underestimate that money that you’re going to take out. Let’s say you’re going to just take $3,000 every two weeks out. So you know that your net income like after taxes and expenses and all that stuff, you’re, you’re taking home $3,000 and that’s a transfer into your bank account and so spacing that money out through the year. So when we have, you know, more income, like usually the fall has, is typically, was typically a time where I made More money in my private practice, so we’re spacing that out. And there’s savings in the business, so that when these lulls happen, that money’s coming out from savings, potentially depending on making whatever it is. If we’re. We’re not depending on. We’re not depending on making, you know, $8,000 that month. Maybe the income in the business is $6,000 and it’s reduced, but we’re planning for that. So we’re planning for fewer sessions to happen in December. We’re planning for fewer sessions to happen, say, in June and July. And maybe our. Our highly scheduled months are gonna be January through June. Right? And we notice those dips in our business, so we plan for them. And maybe you didn’t plan for that now, and that’s fine. But you start to think ahead and think of, okay, this is happening every year. How can I plan for these financial dips so I don’t feel so squeezed every year when December comes? So let’s think about your own personal holiday stress. I started the podcast. I was talking about that. So we are entering this season with our own family dynamics grief logistical stress that we carry into the clinical work. So last year, I shared about how I took both of my boys traveling. So I’m traveling separate from my partner and my other son for Thanksgiving. So I’m just going with my older son down. And I made that decision because I have been so stressed during holidays and after holidays, feeling like I need a week after to kind of decompress from traveling because my boys are at that age where they fight. And I. It’s hard for me to manage. And I would love a world where it’s easy, but it’s just not my reality at the present moment. I just think we’re not at that age where it’s easy to travel with both of them. And so when they’re separated, I can travel with them easily. My partner can’t come down because of their work schedule, so that’s what we’re doing. And part of me felt like, oh, you know, what’s it? I’m sure my family wants to see both of my kids because they don’t see my kids all the time and all the things that came in. Right. But I can’t do that without really struggling. So I think we need permission in our own families to say no or to set a limitation or a boundary. And no one told me that I could do. I couldn’t do this, right? That I could bring one child to a holiday. I just really had to look at, like, how can I go through the holiday season in a way that I can be joyful, in a way that I can feel like I can show up as a whole person in these relationships. And I think finding that sweet spot for your family time, whether that be maybe your family wants you to visit for a week or two weeks and that doesn’t work for you, you really need to limit it to five days. That’s where it feels like, you know, we’ve had a great visit, we’ve seen who we need to see and we’re done. And now it’s time to go home because we’re adults and we like our creature comforts. So I think sometimes it’s permission for allowing your own needs to be met. As therapists, we often think of other people and don’t consider the cost to us for being able to fulfill what they want in our families. So I will quote my grandmother, family and fish go bad in three days. So find your sweet spot for family family time and stick to it. So if you need permission, I grant it. I always told my clients that it was my little joke. But for therapists, I think sometimes you need that permission as well. Number four, burnout from year end administrative tasks. So a lot of times we have some things we did we need to do at the year end. You know, like all of my things seem like they renewed like my EHR when I had an ehr, renewed my llc. I like to kind of think about my business if you’re a business owner, and I still am a business owner, so I still have to think about my LLC and my liability insurance because I still practice as a psychologist in some capacity. And just think about any extra paperwork that you have. If you’re an insurance based practice, then you have to think about deductible season and start looking at that now. Because deductibles reset in the new year in the United States. If you’re not in the United States, you don’t know what I’m talking about. But insurance is a mess here. Just know that there’s all these things that we have to do on top of our work. So any extra paperwork that you need to do kind of add to that stress and leave little time for us to kind of focus. I love at the end of the year to kind of think about my business to do like a mini admin retreat or just think about what kind of goals do I have for myself in my business next year. And that has changed dramatically. So before I used to think about, you know, like with this, this new business, like, I’m gonna make 100k to replace my income from therapy. That was my first goal in this business and I failed because I didn’t think of needing to do that over a longer period of time. So for an online business, I think you need more Runway. And so it’s really looking at like, okay, this is my mix of my work. I have these contract evals that brings in this amount of income. My coaching and consulting brings in this amount of income. Maybe one off workshops bring in this amount of income and really think about all of that. Or sometimes you’re just thinking about finishing up on notes, finishing up on paperwork that you haven’t done and want to get done before the holiday so your mind can kind of lay that down. So like, you think about an admin day for yourself and really protecting that time so you feel like you can get some things done that you’ve been wanting to get done. I think this one applies to, so number five is guilt around the boundaries we need to set. And I think that applies to our personal lives as well as our relationships with clients. So oftentimes we feel more stretched to make ourselves more available to clients and we worry about letting them down. I think also with families, our family members, rather, we can think, oh, I really want to be there for them. I really want to attend that holiday gathering. But doing so comes at a cost to our family, to our mental health and the space we have to hold for people throughout the week. So I want you to think of really mapping out the holidays. So think about, okay, this is Thanksgiving, like, what buffers do we need to have in place so I can fully show up for clients, so I can feel like I’m a full human at the holiday season, what do I need? Whether it’s like I need to have a slow morning with coffee, I need to go to a coffee shop by myself before I’m going into that holiday, or I need to take off on Friday afternoons so that I can finish my admin tasks, or I can be able to kind of plan out my deductibles for next year and call insurance companies, or have my billing person do that, meet with my billing person, for example, to kind of go over year end things. I think a lot of times our drama that we have in our minds about December, about the holidays, about these things that come up is that the holidays are just a compressed time of stress where we have more opportunities for travel and for events that might be triggering for us right and our clients. And so if that is true, then we can also think about, you know, every year my mom does this behavior. I don’t know if I’m gonna call out my mom on my podcast yet, but I love her. Maybe I’m not gonna do that right now, but every year this happens. Like these are the expectations around the holidays. This is the type of food that has to be presented, this is the way it has to be presented. This is how they show up to the holiday. How do I wanna show up, what space do I wanna be in? And so I’d really have you think through that, think through what do I need and what boundaries do I really need to have around my time and around like the length of stay around my work, all of it. So really map it out and look at each week and think about where are my mini breaks that I have in my day, my week and the month so I can have some time where I can really lean in to caring for my body, for caring for my mind. So if that’s personal therapy, if that’s for me, that’s definitely my movement time. That kind of a non negotiable. So that always happens for me. But if that hasn’t happened for you, like I was on talking with a, a consulting client, therapist of mine, coaching client, and I think they had not done any kind of physical self care around movement. And so I kind of talked through real quick my four pillars of brain health. So I am a certified brain injury specialist. I worked with people with brain injuries for over a decade. And so I know overwhelmed brains and my folks in counseling would get to the point where they would literally, their body would literally shut down on them. So there was no choice. It was like if you don’t do these things, your body will say uncle and you’re in the bed for a day or two. And so I think through that to a lesser degree for us, if we have overtaxed our brains to such an extent from holding space, from chronic burnout, from not listening to our bodies for so long, we get to this point where our bodies tell us no, we’re not doing this anymore. And that definitely happened to me in the pandemic where I developed panic attacks and depression and really had to reduce my work. And maybe you’re already there, maybe you’re already there where you’re just like, I can’t do as much and I don’t know why that you. It might be chronic fatigue so quickly. My four pillars of brain health are movement, nutrition, community and sleep. So these basics of human care, and I really don’t think of self care, this is just like your human needs. These are basic human needs that if out of balance, we don’t do well. So the research on connection and deep emotional bonds with other humans is very compelling. So there’s been. I’ve talked about this research on the podcast numerous times. But if we are not in relationship with other people and have people that know us deeply, we become sick. And I know that in burnout and for therapists, we struggle in our personal relationships, we struggle to feel deeply known and seen. If that is an area that you’re struggling with, you’re not alone, number one. And number two, you just need to know that it’s possible for you to have friends, to feel loved and supported again. You’re not broken. And that’s how I felt. So I’m saying these things. Cause that’s how I felt. I think the pandemic really untethered us to our supports. And there’s just relationships I don’t have now that I had before the pandemic. And that’s sad. Like I just feel sadness of just talking about that right now. But I say it because I know I’m not the only one. So connection. So thinking about, like, maybe it feels impossible to reconnect with friends or reconnect with people that know you, but is it possible to just send a text? Is it possible to have a coffee meeting with somebody that you’ve been wanting to do for a long time? So thinking through that connection piece and if it’s your partner or your animal, whatever you can do right now, try to do that for nutrition. I always like to think about adding nutrition versus taking away nutrition. So could you add foods that are highly nutritious that you know are great for your brain, are going to make your body feel good? So anytime we can do that, I think of adding, you know, those superfoods like blueberries or raspberries kind of berries are superfoods. And then like your omegas, leafy greens, fiber, just things your body needs. So I like to think of it’s not a diet, but the Mind diet has some guidance on adding some better nutrition to our food. Sleep. You know, a lot of us are not sleeping enough or on our phones or we have kids that wake us up as women. Most of us are female. Identifying on this podcast that listen to it, trying as much as possible to get more sleep during this time is very, very important. And then movement. I don’t think about exercise, but I Think about joyful movement, like how can I move my body? In a way I’m going to get the mental health benefits. And so there’s really great research on small little bursts of exercise or movement. So can I have a joyful walk in the woods for 10 minutes? Can I have a walking connecting time with a friend where I’m walking, doing something active? For me, I am a fitness junkie, so I play tennis, I teach fitness classes. I think I get a lot of, a lot of time where I’m working out, but I actually don’t do as much gentle movement as I need to do for stress relief. So my, my edge is doing more like I do some slow yoga just for relaxation. So I’ll do, I teach fitness classes and I teach yoga. So I’ll make myself just do my warm up and my mob, my, my mobility stuff, maybe like 10 minutes throughout the day to kind of relieve stress and to give my, my brain a true break. So I always, I’m gonna keep preaching about my four pillars of brain health because I know it’s important. So I just check in on each one. Like, how am I doing? I need to create like a little resource for you guys on this, so maybe I’ll get it out for this episode. But I’m thinking through it and also helpful for your clients, right? It’s so helpful for your clients to think about, think through these things during this time because maybe a lot of what’s happening for them and coming up for them is not caring for their bodies. Last point, celebrating small wins and embracing some joy. And I think as adults we just get caught into like the Groundhog Day of parenting or the Groundhog Day of working in midlife. Most of the people that listen to this podcast are solidly in midlife or you’re going to get there in a few years. So listen up. So I think those novel experiences, you know, when you’re in your 20s, there’s so much, so many new things happening, right? In your 30s too, just in your younger years, all these new things are happening. And so when you have kids, when you’re a parent, or when you’re in midlife, it just feels like, okay, like today is Monday and I get up and I go to work and feed the dog, feed the kids. I go to work, I come home, I fix dinner and I do it all again. And the weekends are like, kind of filled with, for me, kids stuff. I play tennis. Those are bright spots. So a lot of times I think we don’t take time to experience Novelty. And so even scheduling some of those things in like could I have a novel experience where I am doing something that brings me joy? Or even if it’s something really small that brings you joy, make that part of like a non negotiable thing that you do during the holiday season. So maybe it’s every year you guys go look at, you know, a light show or you go to a service that is really special to you, whether that be a spiritual service, religious service, maybe you have a tradition of going to get Starbucks. I don’t know. It can be anything for yourself. Find something where you have some joy amidst all the chaos of the holiday season and try to make it something that you can put in place for yourself. So I’d like you to think about your future self. I’m doing this too. I’m going to think about myself on, let’s say the day after Christmas. How do I want to feel? How can I lean into being a whole human knowing that I’m going to have more demands because I’m in a season of parenting and I’ve entertained for people? How can I do that in a way where I feel more relaxed, more at peace that I’ve enjoyed the holidays? Maybe not all of them, but I have some renewing emotions about them. What do I need? So ask yourself those questions. What do you need during this time? I’m pausing, I’m speaking slowly. What do you feel in your body? How does your body feel? For me, I’m just getting a sense of joy kind of in the center of my chest. So just notice what you might feel. I think part of that, when I just reflected on that was a sense of joy for seeing my partner really happy. Because they love the holidays and I really love to see them happy. Having thankful children, I don’t know if they’ll be that way, but because they’re kids. So thinking through what you’ll need and I just feel like I. I just want spaciousness. So can I have some more spaciousness? That means like doing less food prep. That’s what that tells me. And so I know that’s what I need to advocate for myself for this holiday season. So I just want you to think about that. I think if I feel more grounded, I’m going to have fewer activities, a little more alone time, although I want to be with my family. But maybe I just need to space some of that out. So I’d have you think of all that therapists and what you need during this season and let me know what you thought of this episode. So if you enjoyed it, if you thought of other things that you need, please send me a message. So I’m@info Dr. Jen Blanchot.com I’ll put that in the show notes. I’m also going to think about putting together a guide. So if you want to get on my email list, I call it my pen pal list. And so that’s where you can get updates on the podcast and any offerings I have. And I’d love to hear from you. Have a good one. Hey therapist, thanks for listening to the episode today. If you love this podcast, send it to a therapist friend who may need it. Also consider leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcast. It lets the podcast player know that this is a great podcast. We should send it to more people. Also, I’d love to hear from you. So I have included my pen pal list for other therapists. Yes I do write back and I’d love to hear from you requests for podcast topics to know how you’re doing in this in these therapy streets. So I’m here for all of it. So I would love to hear from you and we’ll talk soon.
